Becoming

So I did a thing…I put me first!

I was struggling and on the brink of giving up. My life was in shambles but my cover-up game was strong. On the outside smiling and dying on the inside. Sitting in deep reflection of where I led my life. All decisions have consequences. The consequences staring me right in my face! I could no longer run or hide, I had to face the music. Not a beautiful soft melody but the hard strings of rock n roll.

So I chose to fight, not an easy choice but necessary.

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live – Deut. 30:19

I realized that so much was wrapped up in my release. My relationship with my husband, my children, and my grandchild’s future. It’s not fair that they should suffer because of the poor decisions I’ve made. It was time to put my big girl panties on and do the damn thing!

First, I had to get very clear about how I wanted my life to look. In order to do that I had to take a hard glance at how I was living. If you want something you never had you have to do something you have never done. For me that meant registering for a solo retreat, hopping on a plane to Jamaica and spending time with women I knew nothing about. The experience was life-changing. I met some amazing women. Women who looked like me and faced the same issues but most importantly not afraid to share. Not spending enough time with God to poor health choices. You will be surprised (or not) by how much would change in your life when you start and end your day with God and gratitude. My journey to becoming has just started and I ain’t looking back. Remember Lot’s wife!

For me, that also meant seeing a therapist. A decision I wish I’d made years ago. Coming face to face with my past, present, and future. Understanding that all the valleys in my life created the woman I am today and if given the opportunity I wouldn’t change a thing. Learning that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself has been the greatest aha moment in my life. Brandy being and becoming Brandy that’s it.

Its vitality important to do your work! This is not one size fits all. Your work, if done properly, can free generations. Remember it’s a marathon not a sprint.